Tuesday, December 05, 2006

SHE's Shouldn't

yes. I'm posting this because they are about someone else....NOT me. I'm not saying they couldn't be about me....but they happen to not be. (A SHE, by the way, is a Sidetracked Home Executive.)

SHEs should never attempt to move fully decorated trees across the living room, thinking that they will look better in front of a different window. SHE might find herself under the tree, thinking this is a piece of cake, when an ominous crack, and the tree suddenly listing to one side alerts her to an upcoming disaster. It is virtually impossible to hold a 7 foot artificial tree upright from underneath once the center pole cracks.

SHE shouldn't . . .
...ever think making holiday wrapping paper by dipping the kids' little hands in red and green paint is a good idea
....decide that nice homemade presents of sugar and spice pecans warrants buying 35 pounds (no lie!) of pecans at the warehouse club or she will be looking at them for many years to come
....hide gifts in black plastic garbage bags in the garage or she will chasing the garbage truck through her neighborhood, which will not put her in the holiday spirit

SHEs shouldn't decide on December 1st that they have more than enough time to cross stitch 6 personalized ornaments that will also be the gift tags for the 'real' gifts.

SHE also shouldn't decide to make all her Christmas gifts because she is very 'artsy' and wants to give beautiful but personal gifts AND save money; so in October she spends a small fortune on all the supplies, and digs in; but 3 days before Christmas all the gifts are "almost done" so she panics and starts shopping at the mall and spends a bigger fortune to buy last minute gifts for everybody.

(This next one I included just for the husband's reaction. The Jedi understands. And yes, I have successfully turned my blog from a place to do a bit of writing, to just another spot to stick spam.)

SHE shouldn't stay up all night making pies on Christmas Eve-Eve. Her judgment might be a bit impaired when she decides it's ok to go ahead and put the homemade whipped cream on top of the pies before they have cooled all the way. After all, it's 3:30 in the morning already! What might happen is that she will get the beautiful garnish on the whipped cream just right and then pick up her pie to move it from the cooling rack. When she moves the pie, the whole beautiful layer of whipped cream and garnish could slide right off into the kitchen floor because the pie filling is still warm and the cream is melting! She will then let out a yell of "Oh No!" and her husband will come to the kitchen and see her dancing around a big sticky mess on the floor, holding a naked pie. He will most likely just shake his head and head for the mop, because he isn't surprised by these things any more.

Ok. I need to be done. Actually I need to delete. I won't though. Once I delete one blog, it will be a nasty downward spiral into the land of internal criticism which won't allow me to put up any blogging.

Its 10:50 and Sweetling is still not in bed. Why? Because I'm exhausted. No one but another mother would understand the correlation there. Where's the Jedi you ask? Discovering that the new universal remote for the TV can be connected to the computer for some purpose no one will understand. Ah, there. He came up and chased the Sweetling into bed where she belongs. Now I can go to bed too. At least, I could if it weren't covered with laundry.

I'm going to go down and deal with the laundry. Its all my clothes. I refuse to sweep them into a basket to wrinkle so badly I have to rewash them. Why does FlyLady work for everone but me? Is it because I'm sitting here blogging rather than hanging up clothes? I think that might have something to do with it....hmmm.....


Impossible Mom said...

I am another mother and I understand that. I am hoping to send the kids off to school. Any sane woman would be taking some down time, but no...being another mother, I will be cleaning the house from top to bottom while they are gone and as they play after their non-nap, I'll be the one in the other room watching some movie on bravo or animal planet shows, half passed out on the couch. Tell me, where is the logic in this that is ever present elsewhere? If I don't clean now, It doesn't get done...then someone gets upset that I'm taking "us time" to clean...so I take me time and do it then. See...CR logic at its best. (CR being christopher robin of course)

Chocolateer said...

I was at a super Walmart last night getting milk. (Somehow "getting milk" turned into a $43 trip, but that's another story.) I went past the chocolate brownie mixes, and considered picking one up. I didn't. I'm regretting that now. There are some things in life that can only be made better by chocolate. Speaking of which, I haven't noticed any responses to the 'girl's night' email. I'd reply, but you know, people expect me to be last ;) Plus, since its Duckie's house, I thought she should be the first to pick out possible dates.