Friday, February 27, 2009

Traditions


Real Life Subjects: What Your Family Does Ordinarily That Teaches Your Child an Abundance of Lessons

As homeschooling families we have an opportunity to reach parts of our children’s lives that are missed during public school hours. What are some of the ‘life lessons’ that come naturally within the walls of your home?





Toa of Boy's history lesson on Wednesday was about the First Thanksgiving. At co-op, I told his class about the corn game we play at our house each Thanksgiving. To remember how little the Pilgrim's had during their first winter, everyone starts Thanksgiving dinner with only 5 kernels of corn on their plate and no other food on the table. We pass a small bowl around the table. As the bowl comes around, each person picks up one kernel of corn from their plate and tells one thing he or she is thankful for that year. The bowl passes around the table five times, till everyone's corn is gone. Then we bow our heads and give thanks to God for all our blessings. And only then do I put the dishes of food on the table and we start eating.

I've been thinking a lot about our traditions recently, because I've been reading Treasuring God in Our Traditions. It's really made me stop and reconsider what I do on a regular basis and what that is teaching my children. The corn game is cool, but it only happens once a year. How do I celebrate God at other times of the year? On special days? On "every" days?

One thing that we do nearly every morning is our devotions. We don't have a family devotion time, but we do start out the day in His word. As part of my devotions, I keep a little journal. I start my devotion time by drawing a column of seven little hearts. Beside each heart I write some *specific* blessing in my life. Sometimes its something sweet from schooling the day before. Sometimes its the color of the morning sky. My daughter, Sweetling, loves to read the little lists of blessings in my journal. (Then I write what scripture I read that morning and a sentence or two of what the scripture means to me.)

Each evening at dinner, we say grace together. Each person in the family takes a turn thanking God for their food and for one other specific blessing from that day. I'm trying to model and teach "an attitude of gratitude". We have so much, we are blessed with so much, but it is so easy to slip into the trap of taking what we have for granted.

Last summer, Sweetling decided she was going to read through the entire Bible, one chapter each day. I was a little worried about the time-frame for that goal, but she was insistant and has been steadily plugging along. She's in Numbers now. I've been so proud of her for her consistency and perserverence.

I just started reading Leading Little Ones to God with Toa of Boy. We read the devotion on one day and talk about the concepts. We read the suggested scripture passages on another day and he traces a scripture verse in a little copy book. This week's scripture is "The heavens tell the glory of God." He's downstairs right now painting his own interpretation of Van Gogh's Stary Night. Yesterday at co-op they did tints and shades and looked at Monet's Water Lilies and painted their own water for a water lily piece. So this morning he read his scripture verse from his copy book and we looked at Van Gogh's Stary Night and talked about the tints and shades and swirls Van Gogh used to paint the sky. I gave him a paint pallette of white, yellow, orange, blue, violet, and black with 6 empty wells for mixing and about ten brushes and am letting him go to town on his sky painting.

Friday....still haven't digested Vaya's news




And here we go....

Copy and paste the prompts, and then fill in your own replies.


1. I'm going to be a grandma, I'm going to be a grandma, I am far too young to be a grandma.

2. Why do I have a tube of refrigerated biscuits and not enough sugar and cocoa to make chocolate stuff?

3. How does this stimulus package work, anyway?

4. Every morning, I put an instrument of torture on my top teeth.

5. I consider myself lucky because the Jedi still has a job. Twenty percent of his former co-workers don't.

6. One day we’ll see Jesus face to face.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to talking the Jedi into "renting" Tropic Thunder 'cause he needs a comedy, tomorrow my plans include practicing for and dancing in a neighborhood GospelFest and Sunday, I want to start decluttering either the hall closet or the laundry room!


I was going to explain some of those further, but no. They are better as the stream of consciousness that they are. But, being me, I'd be happy to ramble away should anyone want to ask about any of them.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Love Cherishes

"Marriage is a beautiful mystery created by God, joining two lives together as one. The not only happens physically but spiriatually and emotionally. You start off sharing the same house, the same bed, the same last name. Your identitiy as individuals has been joined into one. When your spouse goes through a tragedy, both of you feel it. When you find success at your job, both of you rejoice.

"Your lives are now interwoven together. Your spouse cannot experience joy or pain, blessing or cursing, without it also affecting you.

"When you look at your mate, you're looking at a part of you. so treat her well. Speak highly of him. Nourish and cherish the love of your life."


I've not been great with the follow through. The love dares seem to mundane to me, so I've been doing the devotion reading, but skipping the love dare half the time. Which really means, I read the devotions, think, wow, that's really insightful, and then don't let it actually change my behavior. Not all the time. But half the time.

Today's love dare is:

What needs does your spouse have that you could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or a foot massage? Is there housework that you could help with? Choose a gesture that says 'I cherish you', and do it with a smile.


I have no idea what the Jedi needs. I think I'll email the Jedi and ask if he'd like pot pie or beefy biscuit cups for dinner tonight. And I think I'll email the Jedi with some suggestions for an after dinner activity. (Remember, Sweetling reads the blog, so you grown ups figure out what I'm talking about.) The Jedi will be well pleased with both of these emails.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Love is Unconditional

I can't chop this one up and maintain its integrity.

Today, my goal for myself is to stay connected, to stay focused, to stay involved. Yesterday I did the minimum and I spent a lot of time reading online comics. It was a mental break. So today, I want to stay busy. Get the schooling done, get the laundry folded, get the living room dusted and the kitchen in shape.

My scripture verse isn't from the love dare. But it capsulizes my goal for the day.

"She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands." --Proverbs 31:13

I want to be selective and intentional about my tasks today, and I want to work with eager hands.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Greet One Another in Love

First, let me say that I've noticed something about myself. I "clock out" over the weekend. Every weekend, I have a decent excuse for it. On this weekend such and such was going on. On that weekend this and that happened. But the over all pattern is that I step down and take a break from being a wife and a mother over the weekend. And yes, we all need breaks. And yes, we all need down time. But all weekend? Every weekend?

Oh sure, I start the laundry going on Sunday. But relationship-wise, I'm just not there. I get self-absorbed in my own thoughts and my own projects and I just leave my family to fend for themselves both on an emotional level and often also in terms of activities.

Now for those few of you who think that my blog might be too self-critical these past couple of weeks, it is meant to be self-critical, or at least self-examining. And yes, there's many things I do really well as a wife and mother. But what I want to do is move from a "B" grade to an "A" grade, so I've been deliberately dragging a fine toothed comb over the areas I think I could improve in.

I'm polishing my apples.

No, I don't know where that came from either.

(Speaking of idioms and phrases, where does the phrase "Crazy like a fox" come from? hmmm?)

Back to love dares.

I love all of today's devotion. I really do. And since it's my blog, you all get to love almost all of today's devotion.

"Its probably something you don't think about very often -- the first thing you say to him or to her when you wake up in the morning, the look on your face when you get in the car, the energy in your voice when you speak on the telephone. But here's something else you probably don't stop to consider-- the difference it would make in your spouse's day if everything about you expressed the fact that you were really, really glad to see them.

"When someone communicates that they are glad to see you, your personal sense of self-worth increases. You feel more important and valued. That's because a good greeting sets the stage ofr positive and healthy interaction. Like love, it puts wind in your sails.

"What kind of greetings would make your mate feel like that? How could you excite his or her various senses with a simple word, a touch, a tone of voice? A loving greeting can bless your spouse through what they see, hear, and feel.

"It doesn't have to be bold and dramatic every time. But adding warmth and enthusiasm gives you the chance to touch your mate's heart in subtle, unspoken ways."

And of course, I have to apply this to my children also. How do I greet them when they first wake up? How do I speak to them through the day? Do they feel loved and appreciated by the tone of my voice and my facial expression?

The Jedi, as usual, already has the gold trophy on this dare. He is always careful to kiss me goodbye, even when I'm still hanging out in bed half-asleep. He greets me and kisses me when he first comes home. He kisses me and snuggles me as I'm falling asleep.

So, how can I be more intentional about greeting him? Hmmm, I think being *awake* in the morning would be a good start. Pausing in what I'm doing when he comes home from work to let him know he's more important to me than whatever activity I'm engaged in. Wrapping up stuff in the evening to get to bed at the same time as him.

I haven't read what the official dare is for today, but those are my goals.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Love is Not Jealous

So my first response was, "Oh, this isn't going to apply to me." But I read the devotion anyway. A general definition of the type of jealousy being discussed...

"...we will shift our focus to the illegitimate kind of jealousy that is in opposition to love--the one that is rooted in selfishness."


Now, this next scenario doesn't apply to me quite. All you who know the Jedi know that he doesn't take off on the weekend to go do his own thing. And all you who know me know that the absolute last thing I ever do on the weekend is clean house. In fact, if you ever catch me spending the weekend cleaning house, please come looking for the real me, because it will be evident that aliens have snatched my body and have taken over my life. Nonetheless, the sentiment is sadly similar.

"He may be enjoying golf on the weekend while she stays home cleaning house. He boasts to her about shooting a great score, and she feels like shooting him."


I have to confess, on those rare, rare occasions that the Jedi sits down to do something relaxing while I'm still busy with dinner, cleaning (yeah, I do clean from time to time), or kids...I am immediately prone to a flash of jealousy. I don't act or speak on it, but its there in my heart. Nevermind the fact that the Jedi nearly always does at least as much, if not more, around the house than I do, I still flash jealous.

Here's the other quote that got me:

"A loving wife will....throw a celebration, not a pity party."


Let me tell you how much I am the queen of the pity party. With snacks even.

So the dare is:

Determine to become your spouse's biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday's list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it.Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.


I never got around to actually writing out my lists, though I did think about them. And actually, the list was the assignment from two days ago, cause I didn't even crack the book open yesterday. (Co-op, library, dance, tae kwon do). But I have three things in mind to encourage the Jedi about :)

And my scripture verse for today from the Song of Solomon (2:15)...

Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.


My jealous thoughts are like little foxes that bite and gnaw at the stalks of my joy and love and appreciation.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Appreciation and Depreciation

No, this has nothing to do with current politics. It is, of course, once again, Love Dare. Today's devotion can't be chopped into neat quotes, so I'm not going to try. I'll post the dare, but not my writings for it.

The verse today is :

"Love believes all things, hopes all things." --1 cor 13:7

And the dare:

For today's dare, get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same thing with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and a plan for each. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Love is Not Irritable

Sadly, today's love dare doesn't apply to my relationship with the Jedi as much as it applies to my relationship with my dear, precious little Sweetling. As I stop and think about when it is during the day that I'm most likely to be irritable, the sad, sad truth is that the one person I'm most likely to be irritable with is the one person in my life who deserves it the least.

Sweetling is special, wonderful, amazing, responsible, intelligent, creative, sensitive, kind, loving, and conscientious. She is so perfect in so many ways. I just get used to her being perfect. And then, in the times when she stumbles and is less than perfect and falls short of the incredibly high expectations placed on her, instead of helping her, I get irritatable.

My goal for myself today:

When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
and she always says it kindly. --Proverbs 31:26

Monday, February 16, 2009

Colds and Love Dares do not mix

I had a nasty head cold over the weekend. I did no love dares. Saturday's love dare was "invest in your partner" by "buying a little something that says I'm thinking of you." Saturday was also Valentine's Day. I got a webkinz squirrel from the Jedi. The Jedi got a wife in flannel jammies snuggled up to a tissue box. I don't even know what Sunday's love dare was cause I didn't even open the book. In fact, I slept all of Sunday afternoon while the Jedi got lunch for the kids, sorted and washed most of the laundry in the house, cleaned the kitchen, and loaded and unloaded the dishwasher. When we got home from Sunday evening church, I changed back into flannel jammies and watched Extreme Makeover Home Edition. At bedtime, the bed had a couple loads of clean laundry on it, which the Jedi was in the process of folding. (My approach would have been to scoop the laundry back into a basket where it could sit and wrinkle for a week.) I started helping the Jedi to fold, and he said, "Why don't you just sit on the bed and be cute?" So I kicked off my bunny slippers and climbed up on the bed and read while the Jedi folded laundry.

So far, the Jedi is hands down winning the love dare without even trying. Go Jedi :)

I might have a better chance with today. Today is "Love is not rude." I'm pretty sure I get a B+ grade on this category already.

"When a man is driven by love, he intentionally behaves in a way that's more pleasant for his wife to be around. If she desires to love him, she purposefully avoids things that frustrate him or cause him discomfort.

"The bottom line is that genuine love minds its manners.

"Will you be thoughtful and loving enough to discover and avoid the behavior that causes life to be unpleasant for your mate? Will you dare to be delightful?"

The dare is :
"Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only."

And even without asking, I bet I can name three things the Jedi might list... being late, being interrupted, and either not being given time to ponder a response to a question I've just asked him OR having chaos and clutter in the house.

I'll ask him tonight, though I'm not sure how to ask without giving away why am asking.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Warning: Gushy Content

Its Day 3 of love dare, so you know I'm reading and journaling about Day 2.

"Kindness is love in action. If patience is how love reacts in order to minimize a negative circumstance, kindness is how love acts to maximize a positive circumstance. Patience avoids a problem; kindness creates a blessing."

"Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. so you will find favor and good repute in the sight of God and man." Pr 3:3-4


And my response to the dare was to gather and take the trash out before the Jedi got home. And to try to do some decluttering and general straightening. Both of which I accomplished. And as I worked, I oscillated between hoping the Jedi would notice and say something and hoping the Jedi wouldn't notice...or at least wouldn't connect the actions with the Lovedare. And I was happier when I worked and was hoping the Jedi wouldn't notice. I felt better about what I was doing, and it eliminated the negative, Eeyore philosophy of 'no one will even notice, it'll all be undone before I go to bed tonight.'

But really, the Jedi does acts of service and kindness everyday, all the time. Like breathing. Acts of service is his primary love language and he speaks it well.

And after reading the devotion, taking out the trash seems really sad and lame and wimpy as an act of kindness. So, all in all not thrilled with my efforts at extra kindness.

Gushy content, cause I have to share:

I went to the Wednesday night group and one of the other women asked me where the Jedi was. I told her that the Jedi was in choir. She said something to the effect of that she couldn't quite picture the Jedi doing the Fireproof curriculum. It seemed too touchy feely for the Jedi, says her. And I can understand how she might have that opinion. The Jedi, in his "public" self is very businesslike, efficient "just the facts, ma'am," in his demeanor. But the truth is that the Jedi is a romantic at heart, and he showers me daily with wonderful words of love and affirmation, with gentle touches on my hand or on my shoulder as I'm going about my tasks, with kindness in his actions and respect and honor in his treatment of me. I told him that this morning. Probably not so elegantly. But I told him that he was romantic, so very romantic. He smiled. And I told him that I loved to just bask in the things that he whispers to me. I told him that I wanted to be able to give back to him as well. He says that I do, that I share myself with him. I said it hardly seemed like a fair trade. He said I was right, he was very spoiled.

To the woman in the Wednesday group, I mentioned that we were going to the marriage life conference in March, and that this would be our second weekend on that retreat, and that both times it was the Jedi who had initiated it. She said her and her husband would have to go, just to witness the Jedi at the retreat. I told the Jedi the story later. He joked and said he should call her and ask if she wanted to carpool.

I still feel like a sponge. I'm saturated in the Jedi's love, and what I give back is the droplets of love that leak out after I am completely full.

Day 3 is "Love is not Selfish".

"Loving couples--the ones who are enjoying the full purpose of marriage--are bent on taking good care of the other flawed human they get to share life with. That's because true love always looks for ways to say 'yes.'

"Ask yourself these questions--
*Do I truly want whats best for my husband or wife?
*Do I want them to feel loved by me?
*Do they believe I have their best interests in mind?
*Do they see me as looking out for myself first?"

I do want what's best for him, and I do want him to feel loved by me. But, truth is I'm very self-focused (see how much better that sounds than self-centered?) And the Jedi probably doesn't see me as looking out for myself first, but I see me as looking out for myself first.

Today's dare is:
Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, "I was thinking of you today."


White chocolate might say that. (But honestly, the likelihood of me going to the store today is small. It's Saturday, and we've plans together today. A separate and independent store trip isn't going to fit in.) So, how else can I invest in my marriage today?

Friday, February 13, 2009

Love Dare, Day 1 and 2 AND Tae Kwon Do

I'm just your one stop topic source today. Will I get a chance to write about everything I want to write about? Probably not. But maybe. A big plus in my favor is that I'm finished with both the Angel and the Buffy DVDs so no distractions there. And I can't quite get into my fiction book, Rebel Angels, which is the sequel to Great and Terrible Beauty. So a long blog might happen. Might.

Anyway, I'm taking The Love Dare. Why? Because I loved the movie Fireproof and was instantly intrigued by the journal Caleb's dad gave to him. So, they had these books for sale in our church's bookstore. I didn't walk in with the intention of getting one of them, but I did walk out with one.

Yesterday was day one. (I also joined the "Fireproof your Marriage" group that meets on Wednesday night at church. Yesterday was day one for everyone in the group.) Being me, I opened the book on Wednesday enough to know what the title and dare for day one was, but didn't actually read the devotion that went along with day one until day two. Which was this morning of course.

Normally, I get a book and I'm all about highlighting in it and marking it up and scribbling little notes in the margins. This particular book even has built in journal pages for each day, but I'm reluctant to mark it up. I justified buying it with the notion that I could loan it out to someone else later, so I don't want to mark in it. Cause then, you know, someone else would be able to read my personal thoughts. So instead, I'm posting my private thoughts all over the internet. See, that makes much more sense.

Yesterday's scriptures were:
"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." --Eph 4:2

but the one that's going on my mirror--
"See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another. " --1 Thes 5:15


I had to balance the kitchen phone on the pages of my book to hold it open, but the paragraph and pieces from the reading I would have underlined are:
"No one likes to be around an impatient person....The irony of anger toward a wrotngul action is that it spawns new wrongs of its own. Anger almost never makes things better. In fact, it usually generates additional problems. But patience stops problems in their tracks. More than biting your lip, more than clapping a hand over your mouth, patience is a deep brath. It clears the air. It stops foolishness from whipping its scorpian tail all over the room. It is a choice to control your emotions rather than allowing your emotions to control you, and shows discretion rather than returning evil for evil.
....Patience halps you give your spouse permission to be human. It undersatnds that everyone fails. When a mistake is made, it chooses to give them more time than they deserve to correct it. It gives you the abilit to hold on during the tough times in your relationship rahter than bailing out under the pressure."


The dare is:
"The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the tempation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret."


And the journaling question, which was the original point of this blog, is--
"Did anything happen today (which for me was yesterday) to cause anger toward your mate? were you tempted to think disapproving thoughts and to let them come out in words?"


My first gut reaction is no. This is how my day went. I got up early, because it was a co-op day, and we had to be completely packed and out the door by a little after nine. For us, that's just the crack of dawn. In fact, you could almost put a colorful adjective of your choice in front of the word crack. Now, the kids and I do pack our backpacks and what we can of our lunch boxes the night before. Otherwise, I know from experience that I will be putting many colorful adjectives into my thoughts as were trying to get ready in the morning. So, I was up, but completely preoccupied with a mental checklist of what still needed done and what might have been forgotten from the packing the night before. The Jedi was also up, and I'm pretty sure he kissed me and was very sweet and tender towards me, and I'm pretty sure I was pretty self-absorbed. So we co-existed in the morning cause I was in co-op mode.

Went to co-op. Sorted coupons the first period, cause there were only two kindergarteners, so Ty gave me the morning off. Taught 5th grade composition and let the 5th graders have their Valentine's exchange the second period. Had pizza and salad and fruit and yummy yummy fudge covered brownies for lunch. Sat with Toa of Boy and Jenny and Jenni. Toa of Boy showed me some of his valentines, others were in his backpack. Toa of Boy also came to the lunch room covered in white dust with white clay cacked to his hands. He looked like he had been digging through the rubble of an earthquake. Toa of Boy has art right before lunch, and apparantly they were experimenting with making texture. So lunch also involved a trip to the restroom to clean up. After lunch, I begged out of 5th grade history to stay and help clean up the lunchroom. Then I went upstairs and watched the 5th graders read their skit of the Boston Massacre. Fourth period I substituted for the 4th grade comp teacher. We did poetry :)

After co-op, we went to Meijers, were I went over this week's grocery budget by twenty dollars. But, its a short month, so I think I can make that up later in the month. We came home and had co-op stuff to unload and bags and bags of groceries. The Jedi was already home, so he immdiately dropped what he was doing and came out and did the bulk of the grocery unloading. He told me how much he appreciated how diligent I was about making sure we had everything we needed for groceries. I don't think I thanked him or told him how appreciative I was that he always jumped in to help without me saying a word. I think I just smiled.

And then three things needed to happen at once. First groceries needed put away, second, dinner needed to be on the table, and third, Sweetling needed to get ready for Tae Kwon Do. I put away groceries. Dinner became whatever leftovers each person could find and grap and heat up for themselves, and the the Jedi made sure Sweetling was ready to go out the door in time. I didn't ask the Jedi anything about his day, but I certainly had time to tell him about our day at co-op.

Now, the Jedi and Sweetling are gone. Toa of Boy needs a bath, dinner dishes need cleaned up, and I need to get my do buk on for class. Toa of Boy got a bath, some of dinner got cleaned up, and I sat down with Rebel Angels. Toa of Boy drained the bath and gathered his duckies and called me for help to get out of the tub. Mama and the Jedi and Sweetling all came home while I was getting Toa out of the tub, dried, lotioned, and jammied. I still wasn't in my do buk. I came out of the bathroom, with a clean little boy in his Mario jammies, and asked the Jedi to please put away the pizza leftover from co-op, because I had forgotten about it. Then I went downstairs to put on my do buk. I got ready, got my hair in a bun at the nape of my neck, grabbed my waterbottle, borrowed some of Sweetling's sparring gear, and was ready to go to class. On the way there the Jedi tells me how Sweetling did in her class. The three high blues demonstrated forms and the instructors scored them, part of prepping for the in-school tournament. Sweetling did the highest form and won the mini-competition for the second time.

We got to class, and I surveyed the room. In prep for the tournament, many black belts and junior black belts from the advanced class on Mon/Wed have decided to also take the adult class on Tue/Thurs for the extra practice. The room had five black belts, plus the Master, four junior black belts, a high green (the Jedi), a green belt, a MMA student there for extra practice, and poor little me. I looked at one of the many black belts and told her that I thought I might be in the wrong class. She laughed. I wasn't wrong.

The first third or more of class is calisthenics and stretching. This was set to provide the black belts with a nice, off-day work out. Which means for me it was challenging, but doable. (Not the forty push-ups, those aren't doable. Nor the twenty-five double punch sit ups at the pace the black belts set, but I manage along at my own pace during these two things and do what I can). Then we padded up for endurance training through sparring. Joy. I sat out the first round, for lack of a partner I was willing to walk in the ring with. Then I talked Brooke into sparring for the second round. Now, I've sparred with sweet little black-belt, tournament champion Brooke before. She usually uses me to practice her height on her crescent kicks by throwing many of them over my head. And gives me pointers. And doesn't actually kick me. Usually. Now, she had just gotten finished sparring with Foxx and had lost a toe nail. So, all in all, I thought I was safe. I wasn't. Brooke landed several solid kicks on me, kicked me in the head once (only by accident, I think she was doing her usual overhead stretching sweep, and I cleverly ducked into her downswing.) And I of course, couldn't tag Brook at all.

Round three of endurance sparring somehow landed me with junior black belt Foxx, also tournament champion. I've sparred Foxx only once before, and came away from that prior match proud that I hadn't burst into tears. Foxx kicks hard. In fact, Foxx is holding back, and only doing what he does for an easy practice round, but it's still enough to make my head spin when he lands a head kick (which happened two or three times last time I had to face him.) This time, I literally got knocked backward several feet out of the ring. Now, the positives were a) I didn't fall on my butt; b) I, once again, managed to not cry; c) I was brave or stupid enough to walk back into the ring with a smile; d) Master noticed and warned Foxx to rein in a little more; e) I landed a solid punch on the side of his helmet (which I then had to apologize for cause its not a legal move. Apparantly you can kick someone in the head hard enough to knock them out, but you can't land a baby jab with your fist. I told Foxx the truth, I didn't expect it to connect. I assumed he'd block. He didn't block cause it was illegal, so he wasn't even expecting a blow like that.) And I asked him what I should do in response to an incoming cresent kick to the head, cause my tactic of duck and cower wasn't working for me. He grinned and helped with with some useful advice..."Just block." Yes, thank you.

But in all, during the match with Foxx, I held up really well. I don't remember who I sparred after that. But I got through the water break without crying and held it together to spar a last time. And then it was pads off and we did endurance kicking drills with big padded sheilds, which I managed pretty well for a little orange belt. And in a rare spell of mercy, Master Watson let us bow out of class nine minutes early. Just before he did that, we had ended the kicking drills and glanced at the clock, uncertain how I was going to survive another ten minutes. But then we bowed out and I was granted a reprive.

I got my socks and shoes on and gathered up my equipment in silence, still shaken from sparring. And we got to the car, and the Jedi had sparred with THE WALL. Now, I had run from the Wall, straight into Foxx's ring. Cause I didn't want to face the Wall. The Jedi had faced the Wall and landed a kick. This is an amazing thing. I congratulated the Jedi, but was still feeling sorry for myself. We went downstairs, and I hung up my coat and dropped my equipment in the vicinity of the closet, and the Jedi says that I looked really wiped out. I just leaned on the Jedi. He said, "are you ok?" I shook my head no and started crying. And I was quick to tell him I wasn't hurt, I was just shaken. Now, here's the thing. I've gotten bruised and beat up in sparring before. I've worn big ugly bruises handed down from black belts like marks of honor. I've gone home and put ice packs on my ankle and been happy. I've limped around on toes that wont bend and felt proud of myself. So, I don't know what it is about sparring with Foxx. And I couldn't put it into words. I wasn't crying because I had gotten hurt, cause I hadn't. And I wasn't crying cause i couldn't land a hit, that isn't anything new. And I wasn't crying because I was so outclassed, I always am. But the Jedi just held me till I felt comforted and better, and then we went upstairs and got Toa of Boy tucked into bed and watched Mythbusters with Sweetling, and all was well.

Later that night I realized how sparring with Foxx was different than sparring with anyone else.

I've only been on a horse once in my life. My friend took riding lessons at a small, family owned little stable. It had a few horses, a riding track, a field for jumping, and some trails nearby. It was out in the country in north-east ohio, and it wasn't anything fancy. One summer day, I had spent the night and she needed to go out and just get some time in on the horse. She had called the woman who owned the stable (who was a friend of her mother) ahead of time and asked if she could bring a friend. And she asked if her friend could ride one of the other horses around the track a few times. The woman said yes, I could ride one of her horses, but for one reason or another, she didn't have a saddle available, would I be ok with riding bareback? And full of romance stories and fantasy novels, I readily agreed to this idea.

So, we drove out to the country and my friend got her own horse all brushed and saddled and ready and I realized, horses are big animals. And she led this other horse out of the stall and put a briddle on him (or her, I really don't know). And she threw a blanket over his back, and she led both horses out to the track. The track was maybe the size of a football field and it was just a wide dirt path that went around the edges of a oblong field. And my friend offered to help me up onto my horse, cause you know, no stirrups. Bareback. Wasn't this a fine idea. And I'm still thinking that up close, horses are really big, really big animals. They even *breathe* loud. The two adult women who should have known better were inside sharing cups of coffee and some rare, kid free moments at the kitchen table. So, up I went.

And my friend says, ok, just walk him around the track, I'm just going to practice some of my paces while you ride. And now I'm thinking, horses are really big animals, and its a long way to the ground from up here. My fantasy of being some long lost elven princess who would take to riding bareback naturally because it was part of my fey inheritance was quickly melting away under the hot summer sun. And I look at my friend. And some light dawns in her cause she gives this exasperated sigh and offers to lead my horse around the track until I get used to riding. So we did that. And I think I found my voice enough to squeak that she needed to walk really really slowly.

And eventually I felt comfortable enough that I held my own reins and my friend saddled her horse and kept to a snails pace beside me. And as long as her horse walked next to mine, mine stayed right next to hers and behaved. And then I felt comfortable enough that she let her horse walk at a more normal horse pace and left me behind. And then my horse decide to go find some dandelions growing beside the path to munch on. So my friend comes back and tells me I shouldn't let my horse do that. And I gave her another look. Just what, pray tell, did she expect me to do about the situation? And so she gave me a quick lesson on contolling my horse, even though it was clearly a big big beast. And she repeated the lesson often. And she really didn't get any real practice in on her horse, but she probably learned a lot trying to teach me what she had learned to do when she was a little girl and had been doing for years. (Which is probably why the instructor turned us loose on our own with the horses.)

And I was sweating, and the path was just dust and dirt. And it was a lot harder than it looked, this riding thing. But I was getting it. It took a lot of effort and sweat and concentration and I had to keep trying when I just wanted to give up and let the horse wander, but eventually I was riding the horse, and was the rider, not just an inconvenient weight. And my friend called instructions across the field to me and taught me how to slow the horse, speed the horse, turn the horse, trot the horse. And I was getting it. I had gone from frightened and small to a rider in control of a horse. And it felt good. It felt so good.

There was a gravel country road next to one end of the riding track. I hadn't paid any attention to the road, cause all my attention was on this horse and what we were doing. And I didn't realize the effect things on the road could have on my horse. A truck went down the road. Big deal, right? Only the truck hit a pot hole or backfired or something right next to my horse. It made this horrible BANG. I jumped. My horse spooked. My horse *flew* down the long end of the riding path. I panicked and did the most sensible, natural thing. I clung to the horse for dear life. I don't know if I still had ahold of the reins or not. I do know I had a generous fist full of mane in both hands. I think my friend was yelling instructions to me. The whole thing took less than a couple of seconds. My horse reached the end of the field and of the little riding track and rounded the corner at a full gallop. To do this, he leaned his head down into the turn. I, with my hands entangled in his mane, was pulled forward at an angle. I lost my balance and slid off the horse, hit the dirt and rolled.

Moms had apparnetly been watching from kitchen window, cause they were on the scene as soon as I had my bearings back enough to sit up. As was my friend of course. And I wasn't hurt, aside from a few scuffs from hitting the dirt. But I was so so so rattled. Rattled enough that I just felt dazed. And I wanted to cry. Not out of pain or out of frustration but just because the world had litteraly flown away from under me. Out of the sense of fear and helplessness of being totally out of control on the back of a beast that is stronger and bigger and faster than you. And you know, before I got on that horse, I thought I knew how much bigger and stronger and faster he was than me. But I was wrong. I had no idea the speed and the strenght and the power he was really capapble of. But I got a brief glimpse of it, and I was helpless before it, and that's what had me crying.

And yet, I quickly found myself back on the horse, despite the fact that I was crying that I wanted to go home. The riding instructor might have just picked me up and put me on the horse anyway, but I don't think so. I do remember her telling me that I had to get back on the horse. I remember her explaining to me that I had to get back on the horse right now, or that I would be afraid to for the rest of my life. (Which, at the time, suited me just fine. I didn't need to ever, ever, ever be on a horse again.) And yet, in my dazed state, I nodded because I was supposed to, and I got hoisted back up on the horse.

And someone walked the horse for me till I calmed down. And then they handed the reins back to me. Neither the horse nor I wanted to go near the end of the track by the road, but we both did. And I stayed on the horse and road for a while more until I started feeling good about riding again. And I think as soon as I was smiling again and chatting with my friend, the moms, who were hanging out on the fence now, called it a day. And my friend and I brushed both horses down and took care of them and got them ready to go back to their stalls. And she showed me how to check their hooves for rocks, and under supervision, I got the horse that had thrown me to raise his hooves so I could clean and check them. And I took good care of the horse. And after the horses were put back in their stalls, and we used an outdoor sink to wash and bandage my scratches and were drinking lemonades, the instructor told me that I had done a really good job holding on to the horse as long as I had bareback. She said my instinctual form looked really good. So, you know, maybe some fey blood after all. (For the record, leaning forward and grabbing on to a spooked horse is the opposite of getting the horse to calm down. I went into a racing crouch, which told the horse that we needed to flee, flee, flee from danger...which the horse did beautifully).

And now Sweetling has come back to read over my shoulder again. She had read some of my earlier post, and then went away to in theory, do school. Now she's back and wants to know what the horse story has to do with Tae Kwon Do. Sparring Foxx is like riding a run away horse. Sparring is like riding a horse anyway. Its something I'm a little afraid of. It's something that I'm intimidated by. I know going into it how much smaller I am or how much less skilled. But I put aside these misgivings and I do it anyway. And its hard work. And it takes all my courage and all my concentration, but I do it. And then I spar Foxx. And I feel just like I did when the horse took off on me. Small, helpless, powerless. And it makes me want to cry.

But I also decided that, the first chance I get, I need to be the first one in Foxx's ring. Not to prove that I've gotten better. Not to prove that I can stand toe to toe against Foxx (or foot to head, as is the more accurate description.) But just because if I don't, I'm always going to be afraid.

And, getting back to the very first topic of the post (its like little Russian nesting dolls, isn't it?)... My day went by without me being dare-challenged. So, Day Two, cause I haven't read the devotion, but just skipped to the dare, is:
"In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse today, do at least one unexpected gesture of as an act of kindness."

I think I'll gather and take out all the trash. I'd also like to declutter some, but I'll do the trash first, because its obtainable and completeable.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

I Gnome You


I'm making gnomes for valentines day. Yes, you read that correctly.


See? they are cute, no?

I need to make maybe two or three gnomes for each of 11 students. That's like 22-33 gnomes, but really, one gnome just isn't going to be enough. Then I need to make little origami boxes to put the gnomes in. then I need to put a cute little saying on the outside of each box. I nice little gnome pun. And, I can't repeat the gnome puns. Oh no.

Here are the puns I have so far:

There's gnome-body like you.
You're phe-gnome-inal.
I've always gnome you're the one.
It's gnome secret--you're great!
I gnome-inate you to be my Valentine.
It's gnome myth--you're wonderful!

That's six. I need five more. Help?

Monday, February 09, 2009

Simple Woman's Daybook, Feb 9th

For Today...

Outside my window... my kitchen blinds are still shut, even though it's 10:20 in the morning. I did feed the squirrels earlier and lingered for a moment to watch a squirrel climb up and down and up again a grey tree trunk. The squirrels in my backyard are named Captain Scraggles the One-Eyed Pirate, Lieutenant Flagg, and Sophie. Sophie is smaller than Lieutenant Flagg, but I'm still working on telling those two apart when they aren't near each other.

I am thinking... that I am really really really really tired today. I went to bed right after Sweetling did last night and I slept in till 7:45 and I am just dragging myself through the morning.

From the learning rooms... Toa of Boy and I started reading Leading Little Ones to God this morning. For an activity, I suggested he make a bookmark for his new devotional book. He wasn't thrilled with this suggestion until Sweetling piped in, "You can make a Kirby bookmark." Now Toa has drawn eleven Kirby's (we counted them in both English and Spanish) on one side of the bookmark. On the other side he has drawn the big King of the Kirbys. Sweetling is finishing up an algebra problem on commissions.

I am thankful for... my fuzzy red bathrobe. Sleepy tired Mondays are just made for staying in fuzzy red bathrobes and bunny sleepers. Its the next best thing to being back in bed.

From the kitchen... Sweetling made "ready to bake" cookies by herself last night for snack. I have no idea what's for dinner. But I do have several cups of homemade chicken vegetable soup in the freezer. One of those containters might come out to become lunch.

I am wearing... blue penguin jammies, long warm red bathrobe, fuzzy bunny slippers.

I am reading... Saving Your Marriage before It Starts. The Jedi and I are teaching a small elective class to the some of the senior high youth. Our first class was last night and it went really well. We have five youth in the class, and we asked them what made them decide to come. One mentioned the high divorce rates and how he wanted to get a jump start on doing what he could to keep any marriage he might later have from becoming one of the casualties.

I am hoping... for Spring! Tomorrow it's supposed to get all the way up to 60F. After a month of below freezing and frequently subzero temperatures, we're going on a nature walk tomorrow afternoon. Oh yes, yes we are.

I am creating... hot chocolate. Today is a multiple cup day.

I am hearing... the dishwasher run, Toa of Boy call for his webkinz "Mary" the little lion, and Sweetling being a big sister and lending a hand in the search.

Around the house... clutter, clutter, and more clutter. Where does it all come from? There's three plastic milk jugs by the sink that need rinse and crushed, a pile of mail that needs sorted and dealt with on the kitchen chair beside me, I don't even know what on my sewing machine, stencils and art supplies in a bag from last Thursday's co-op that *still* hasn't been put away. And Webkinz. At least one webkinz on every piece of furniture. An opened Bible beside me. And now two children being ghosts under blankets in the living room.

One of my favorite things... my new Corelle dishes. They came in the mail from Amazon last week. I wanted a pattern, but in the end went with winter white. Now, if I can get my hall closet cleaned out, as a reward I will by some wipe-off seasonal placemats so that I can change my table settings and decorations.

A few plans for the rest of the week... dentist and nature walk tomorrow. Toa of Boy's vaccinations this afternoon. Tae Kwon Do on Tuesday and Thursday evening. Oh, and the new Fireproof class on Wednesday! Date night on Friday :)


Saturday, February 07, 2009

Women's Bible Study, again and again

And yet, even with all this encouragement, let me tell you that there are many many times when I catch myself thinking that no one really knows or notices what I do. Why bother sweeping the floor, when its just going to get covered with crumbs after snack. And does anyone else know how often I clean the bathroom? I can spend 30 minutes, 45 minutes, an hour cleaning the house...and who notices? really?

One of my favorite names for God is "God who sees me." It comes from an unlikely source. A young Egyptian slave. She has been taken far from her homeland, given as a concubine to her mistress's husband. Pregnant, she answers the question of "where do i find my value" with the certainty that she carried the master's heir. She becomes inflated with pride and self-importance. It might have been the first time in her life that she felt significant. She disrespects her mistress. The Bible says she despised her mistress. We don't know what she said exactly, but it must have been a zinger. And she is in turn mistreated by Sarai. So mistreated that pregnant and without food or money or prospects, she runs away along a desert path. And she has a supernatural experience there. An angel of the Lord appears to her with a prophecy and a message just for her. And she gives a Name to the Ancient of Days. The God Who Sees Me.

She gave this name to the LORD who spoke to her: "You are the God who sees me" Gen 16:13

Now, let me tell you that I'm in no way mistreated. Neither am I ever to the point that I feel like running away...at least not recently. But I *can* identify with feeling exausted and, allegedy, unappreciated on the side of a dry dusty road to nowhere. That, in my personal opinion, definitely describes housework. And in those times, when I forgotten to lift my eyes, when I've been the one to lose sight of where I'm going and why. I know that I've got a God who has never taken his eyes off of me.

Similarly, when I'm feeling unappreciated and unnoticed, I remember that not only do I have a God who sees me, but that I have a God who sees what I do 'in secret'. There are times that the memory verse which gets me through the day is that "your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you." And, because you know I have the attention span of a preschooler, sometimes I have to turn my chores into a game....like a secret santa game. How many small things can I find to do for others, that I can complete without their noticing?

And the last refrain that I have, isn't from the Bible...or if it is, I can't find it. Its from a site called FlyLady. The notion is that I'm blessing my family with each little chore that I do. There was, sadly, a period of time that our toilett had a small leak. We replaced the seal, and had the seal replaced, many times...yet the thing would still leak. I would spray and clean and spray and clean and spray and clean around the base of the toilett multiple times a day to keep the bathroom sanitized. So, when i found myself on my knees wiping around the back of the toilett AGAIN, I had to remind myself, sometimes out loud, "I'm blessing my family, I'm blessing my family...."

Ok, I was wrong. That isn't the last refrain I have. Because there are times when, in my humaness, I don't want to bless my family. There are times I'm irritated with my family. There are times that I just don't care. Case in point. I was doing a class using a book called "Balance at the Speed of Life". I don't remember much of what I learned from that book, but there are three distinct memories I have from it. One was that the cover had an elephant balancing on a beach ball. The second was that for the period of a day or so, we were supposed to log our activities through the day for a couple of days. From that we were supposed to extrapolate how much time we spent on different activities and what portion of our life each week was spent on each activity. I discovered that other than school... planning, shopping, cooking, and cleaning up after dinner took up the largest chunk of my waking life. Now, at the time I had this revelation, I had been immersed in an ongoing struggle to engage my family in dinner conversation. I was losing that struggle and I was pretty frustrated with it. Suddenly, in my mind, the knowledge that I was spending a big chunk of my day in an failing effort made me want to give up. I seriously, seriously remember sitting at the kitchen table and contemplating a chef strike if my family didn't start talking to me at dinnertime. In the end, what saved me from marching down a road that would have only brought strife and discouragement to everyone was a strategy that I think Naomi had shared at one time. She had been at a stage in her marriage where she didn't feel like doing anything for her husband. She got through it by NOT doing anything for her husband. She did what she did through the day, by pretending that she was doing it for Jesus. She cooked dinner and set another place at the table, not for her husband, but because she was pretending that Jesus was going to come and be a house guest. If her husband happened to sit in the place she had set for Jesus, that was fine. And there are times in my life where I have to adopt a similar attitude. The near dinner strike was one of them. The scripture that goes with this strategy, which is my ultimate emergency strategy, is from 1 Cor 10:31 "whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

So, the fact that I have four different strategies, including an emergency strategy, for getting myself through housework might tell you how much I like doing housework. And I know that no one likes housework, not really. But I think I put more weight on how my house looks because I'm a stay home mom. And i hate housework, and its never done. And so I struggle the most with it.

Another strategy that I want to share with you, as one runner to another, is some of what I do during my daily devotions. I'm not a very disciplined person by nature. So, there have been times that I've found myself drifting through devotion time and lacking focus. To counter that I have a system that has really worked well for me. I have a notebook that I keep just for devotions. The first thing I do during my morning devotions is make a short list of seven specific things that I am thankful for that day. I find that starting my day being thankful for blessings helps put me and keep me in a positive mindset. (I'm not a morning person either, so getting in a happy mindset is a good thing.) After reading my scripture for that day, I try to jot just a sentence or two down about what the scripture meant to me personally.

And, finally, I had found myself going through my devotions like they were just one more item to check off my morning to-do list. Made my list of blessings, read my scripture, close the Bible and move on. Check. And then one morning my readings took me to the passage in James, "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does." I realized that all too often, that's exactly what I do. I listen to the word, but I go off and immediately forget what I just heard/read. I needed someway to remember it and reflect on the scripture through the day. Perhaps if I jotted a verse on a sticky note and put it somewhere where I would see it often through the day? But where? And the passage itself suggested a spot. The bathroom mirror. After all, being a woman, I can hardly go into the bathroom and not make at least a quick glance at the mirror. So I started writing a scripture verse on a yellow sticky note and slapping it to my bathroom mirror.

Women's Bible Study, again

Now its the day before I have to share. In my mind, I have pieces of what I want to share. But when I try to put the pieces together, I'm not certain of the fit. So, I'm stream of consciousness writing right now.

My name is... and it means springtime, because I was born on the first day of spring. I'm a stay-home mom and a homeschooling mom. And I've struggled....I have to confess that I'm feeling rather outside of my comfort zone. I feel that some of my greatest gifts are working with children. So, teaching a group of children is something I'm very comfortable with. I'm also creative and I don't mind getting up on the platform on Sunday and sharing a scripture passage or giving a short dramatic reading. I can even get up and read something that I've written, though my anxiety level is very hightened when I do that. And I normally have no problem spontaneously sharing in a group of women during a Bible study or a retreat. I'm happy to kick in my opinion during a discussion. So, I'm not sure why I was wrestling so much with what I wanted to share this Sunday. I think because this seems a bit more personal than any other venue. And it seems a lot more focused on me. But beyond that, I think the reason I struggled with what I was going to share comes down to a very basic question, and its a question that I have wrestled with and revisited and wrangled with since a few months after I had quit my professional role as a teacher and a preschool curriculum director to stay home with my Sweetling, and that question is, "How do I value myself?"

Now, don't get me wrong. I know all the "right" answers to that question. And, without trying to sound like a braggart, I could probably write a poem or a piece of prose that would answer that question in a very moving, very powerful way. But the truth is, in the day to day, in the ordinary, in the mundane, I often lose sight of the answer. So while I could envision myself writing a stirring little response and I could imagine myself presenting those words on the platform and while I think I would receive many words of compliments and encouragement in the hallway after service, the absolute bare naked truth is that on any given Tuesday morning when the kitchen floor is sticky and the bathroom is icky and the laundry is still sitting in the machines and the school list from Monday hadn't quite got completed and the coupons need sorted for an afternoon grocery trip and I haven't mastered the dance that will be running at practice that evening and pots and pans from last nights dinner is still in the sink.... Well, the bare naked ugly truth is that its so easy, so very easy, to forget to look beyond the details of my unfinished circumstances, its so easy to forget that the daily checklist of trifles is not the sum total of my job description. Its so easy to lose sight of the big picture when I am too emersed in the messiness of the details.

So, where to go from here? Because I know that the picture I'm painting isn't unique to me. And sometimes, I think that lack of uniqueness, which should be an encouragement and a comfort, somehow becomes a measure of failure rather than a support. The temptation is to say, "you know, other women manage all this AND so much more." Rather than to say, "We've all been there. This too will pass. Keep your eyes on the end prize and keep running the race. You can do it."

And I don't have one magic answer. Oh yes, I know what the end prize is. But, at the risk of sounding ungrateful. At the risk of sounding sacriligious, at the risk of sounding ...I don't even know what...terrible. Let me say that sometimes knowing what the end prize is, isn't enough of a strategy to keep me legs pumping and my spirit from dispairing when I feel like I'm trying to run up a steep hill and its hard to even see the top. There was a poem that I was given and asked to use, to rewrite just a little to adapt it to some sort of drama for a women's retreat. At one point in the poem there is a new mother who is struggling and feeling completely overwhelmed. A dear older woman in the church tells her, "Oh honey, you just need to get alone with Jesus." Her response, "Yeah, right....I can't even get alone in the bathroom!"

I think as women, as Christaim women, there are many times in our lives, many times in our walks, where we feel overwhelmed. And here again, I have to throw in another quote. "I am both overwhelmed and underwhelmed." We get overwhelmed with the sheer number of tasks and duties on our plates, but we are underwhelmed with the monotony, the drudgery of many of those tasks. And so we fall into this state of quiet misery. Oh we function, and we keep towing the line, and we smile at each other, but inside, we've lost our joy, and we don't know why. And we know who we are and we know whose we are and we know we're supposed to be joyful. And in those times, sometimes knowing "the right answer" ...."just keep your eyes on Jesus," isn't quite enough. We are already beating ourselves up for not having the joy we know we should. Somehow, in some sick and twisted way I don't understand, we've made being joyful a duty and a BURDEN. And words of encouragement, beautiful memory verses and scripture passages instead of being the soothing balm they are, we get stuck in this mindset where we cannot accept them because we use them to further judge ourselves rather than to heal and nenew ourselves.

I don't understand it, but I know its not just me who thinks this way. I know this bizarre malady isn't limited to myself. So, I'm hear to say, in absolute transparent honesty, while all we need is Jesus, yes..... but if the answer were always that easy, that quick of a fix, we wouldn't need to come to church multiple times a week, to be in multiple Bible studies, Berean next door wouldn't be full of shelf after shelf after shelf of books helpling us understand and get through every topic and aspect of life. There are no instant fixes. No ruby slippers that I can click together three times and be instantly transported. No, this race that we are all running is a lifelong journey. "Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling," Paul tells us, because he knows that its never going to be a finished process. In fact, we aren't ever going to get there. In the end, our final transformation doesn't come from our efforts, but in "a twinkling of an eye" we will be "quickly changed." And sometimes I need to remind myself of that, when I'm being particularly hard on myself for falling short of the ideal. I need to remember that we are all works in progress, and that we aren't expected to ever reach the ultimate goal on our own...if we were, God would never have needed to send Jesus....but we are expected to keep trying. To run with perserverence the race.

So, let me come back to my original question. How do I value myself? Yes, I need to know who I am, and more importantly, I need to know whose I am. But there are times when just being able to recite these answers, like a child reciting a catechism isn't "enough".

Now, I have never run a Marathon, and I dont' ever intend to. But I know that a runner's body goes through stages during the marathon, and I know that a runner employs different strategies, both mental and physical, at different points and in response to different challenges of a race. So, what I would like to share with you now is some of the strategies I've found useful to keep away discouragement, to keep myself moving towards the goal, to keep in mind the big picture.

And, because I'm me, I'll have to share a little story with many of the things we do.

First, take a minute and write down some of the tasks that you find particularly rewarding. They can be from your career, from a hobby you do at home, from service and ministry that your involved in at church. Anything that you do that makes you feel satisfied. And now pick one or two or three and jot down what about those tasks do you find particularly fulfilling?

Now make a new list. The things that you do because you have to, but that you just dread. The ones that no one loves, the ones that you secretly, or not so secretly, wish that someone else would do or that there was some other way to get them done....but in the end, there isn't anyone but you so you suck it up and do them.

Story time. My husband is a wonderful man. He is so very very good at telling me what a good mother I am. What a good wife I am. How blessed he is to be married to me. How pleased he is that I am staying home with the children. That Sweetling and Toa of Boy are homeschool. I am surrounded by words of praise and affirmation and appreciation from my husband. I am immersed in them. And yet...

(to be continued....)

Friday, February 06, 2009

One (and tag)

Type only ONE word answersIt's harder than you think!! Here is what you are supposed to do...and please don't spoil the fun...copy and paste into your own note, type in your answers and tag a bunch of people.

Your hair.......................................frizzy
Where is your cell phone .....................*shrug*
Your father.....................................complicated
Your favorite thing............................fantasy
Your dream last night........................jump-roping
Your favorite drink............................hot cocoa (it is one word. It's a compound word.)
Your dream/goal...............................shalom bayit (again. compound).
The room you are in...........................kitchen
Your fear........................................violence
Where do you want to be in 6 years........fostering
Muffins...........................................chocolate
One of your wish list items....................garden
Where you grew up...........................Ohio
The last thing you did..........................cooked
What are you wearing.........................sweater
Your TV..........................................Wii
Your pets........................................squirrels
Your computer..................................wall-laptop (behold the power of the hyphen)
Your life..........................................perfect
Your mood......................................happy
Missing someone...............................Tommy
Your car.........................................sweet
Favorite store..................................Meijer
Your summer....................................carefree
Your favorite color...........................yellow
When is the last time you laughed...........today
Last time you cried............................uncertain
Three people who email me.................co-op, the Jedi, friends :)
Three of my favorite foods..................chocolate, oriental, cinnabon
Three places I would rather be right now...beach, White Sands, summer!

(If you've read this far, consider yourself tagged!)

Delorian S. Ford!!!!

How have you been?!?!?!?

You must reply or I shall be forced to reprogram your shield :) Don't make me angry. You won't like me when I'm angry.

The Jedi and I miss you. "Shu wants your mages, and mages want their shoes!" is still a darn funny joke that we quote to each other from time to time.

I would update you on my life, but obviously you've already found my blog (you stalker you), so you know almost all about me. Not that this would ever keep me from talking about myself, mind you. But you know how important being original is to me.

Are you on Facebook? (And someone should just come along and slap me for asking that. Oh, how long I resisted the evil of Facebook, and how quickly I fell to the dark side of the force once I wavered. I am now a Facebook Sith Lord...or should it be Lady?) I did a search for your name, but coulnd't find you. If you're on Facebook, find me. Add me as a friend. You know you want to.

Edit to add:
Delorian replied! Ta da! I would publish his response, but he put his email addy in it. He might not care that a few misc homeschooling moms have a hold of his email addy, but the Jedi thought I shouldn't publish his email. But I love his reply, so I'm retyping it, minus the email, so I can keep it. hooray :)

Yes, orignial and you go hand in hand. I am fine and own most of the known D&D world with a Level: Infinite Timelord.
Gosh, the last time I picked up a bag of dice was to show my daughter that the furry dice bag would not bite her.
yes, call me a lurker! I was looking for an email address to send you a message, but could not find one. the that Jedi to add: SEND EMAIL HERE button onhis fancy website! I got a Christmas card/pic from Erin Go Braugh and her husband and looked her up to say hi. After that, I wondered what you and your Jedi were up to and that led me to your blog...
WOW! With all that chatter, Delorian's lost his power to see into the future for sure! Good thing he still has those sawdust grenades and chemical shotgun!

You wouldn't find me on Facebook as I am not on there. Email me. Well, got some "MAGIC" markers I gotta use up in the surrounding countryside....See ya!
Signed,
Delorian S. Ford

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Women's Bible Study

I think I'm supposed to be sharing this Sunday in the women's Bible study. This quarter, the women wanted to do a study on how faith and work intersect. The women are taking turns sharing how their faith impacts their work. (I tried to chicken out and go back to teaching the preschool class where there are stickers and chipmunk puppets and songs, but the leader said pretty pretty please....so here I am sharing on Sunday.)

And I think some of my reluctance to share comes from the fact that I don't see myself as a career woman. Yes, I work. I'm a teacher. I'm a mother. I'm the crazy comp woman at co-op. I serve in children's ministry. Not to mention (though I'm mentioning it) doing the grocery shopping, planning and cooking the meals, keeping the house (almost) clean and the laundry (nearly) done. But I'm not a career woman. I'd be miserable in the corporate world.

So, I could teach about joy. About the value of beauty. About laughter and playfulness.

So, I could teach about motivation. About the chores being a blessing to others. About how the Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

So, I could teach on Proverbs 31. Long was it the most dreaded passage ever. Until I was given a fresh perspective and found it suddently to be encouraging and affirming.

And this is as far as I get. I'll come back to this later. Now I have a boy who needs a bath. A girl who needs school. Toa is sitting beside me holding a bundle of clothes going "Mommy, Mommy." I'm threatening to take away wii for the rest of the day. Sweetling is sitting across the table singing the Chipmunk Christmas song, in a chipmunk voice. I hushed that. So much for joy and beauty.