Saturday, February 14, 2009

Warning: Gushy Content

Its Day 3 of love dare, so you know I'm reading and journaling about Day 2.

"Kindness is love in action. If patience is how love reacts in order to minimize a negative circumstance, kindness is how love acts to maximize a positive circumstance. Patience avoids a problem; kindness creates a blessing."

"Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. so you will find favor and good repute in the sight of God and man." Pr 3:3-4

And my response to the dare was to gather and take the trash out before the Jedi got home. And to try to do some decluttering and general straightening. Both of which I accomplished. And as I worked, I oscillated between hoping the Jedi would notice and say something and hoping the Jedi wouldn't notice...or at least wouldn't connect the actions with the Lovedare. And I was happier when I worked and was hoping the Jedi wouldn't notice. I felt better about what I was doing, and it eliminated the negative, Eeyore philosophy of 'no one will even notice, it'll all be undone before I go to bed tonight.'

But really, the Jedi does acts of service and kindness everyday, all the time. Like breathing. Acts of service is his primary love language and he speaks it well.

And after reading the devotion, taking out the trash seems really sad and lame and wimpy as an act of kindness. So, all in all not thrilled with my efforts at extra kindness.

Gushy content, cause I have to share:

I went to the Wednesday night group and one of the other women asked me where the Jedi was. I told her that the Jedi was in choir. She said something to the effect of that she couldn't quite picture the Jedi doing the Fireproof curriculum. It seemed too touchy feely for the Jedi, says her. And I can understand how she might have that opinion. The Jedi, in his "public" self is very businesslike, efficient "just the facts, ma'am," in his demeanor. But the truth is that the Jedi is a romantic at heart, and he showers me daily with wonderful words of love and affirmation, with gentle touches on my hand or on my shoulder as I'm going about my tasks, with kindness in his actions and respect and honor in his treatment of me. I told him that this morning. Probably not so elegantly. But I told him that he was romantic, so very romantic. He smiled. And I told him that I loved to just bask in the things that he whispers to me. I told him that I wanted to be able to give back to him as well. He says that I do, that I share myself with him. I said it hardly seemed like a fair trade. He said I was right, he was very spoiled.

To the woman in the Wednesday group, I mentioned that we were going to the marriage life conference in March, and that this would be our second weekend on that retreat, and that both times it was the Jedi who had initiated it. She said her and her husband would have to go, just to witness the Jedi at the retreat. I told the Jedi the story later. He joked and said he should call her and ask if she wanted to carpool.

I still feel like a sponge. I'm saturated in the Jedi's love, and what I give back is the droplets of love that leak out after I am completely full.

Day 3 is "Love is not Selfish".

"Loving couples--the ones who are enjoying the full purpose of marriage--are bent on taking good care of the other flawed human they get to share life with. That's because true love always looks for ways to say 'yes.'

"Ask yourself these questions--
*Do I truly want whats best for my husband or wife?
*Do I want them to feel loved by me?
*Do they believe I have their best interests in mind?
*Do they see me as looking out for myself first?"

I do want what's best for him, and I do want him to feel loved by me. But, truth is I'm very self-focused (see how much better that sounds than self-centered?) And the Jedi probably doesn't see me as looking out for myself first, but I see me as looking out for myself first.

Today's dare is:
Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, "I was thinking of you today."

White chocolate might say that. (But honestly, the likelihood of me going to the store today is small. It's Saturday, and we've plans together today. A separate and independent store trip isn't going to fit in.) So, how else can I invest in my marriage today?

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