Its nearly 2 am. What should I be doing? Wrapping presents. No. Strike that. I ***should*** be sleeping. Or, if not sleeping, at least something fun if I'm up at 2am. But no, I'm wrapping presents. And I swear they keep multiplying. I think, just two more, and I'm finished, and then there's three more over there that I forgot about. So, I'm taking a short sanity break.
I need a character concept. No flash of inspiration has hit me. Normally, I start with a concept and a history, then add a name...then go crying to Bear or the Jedi to do the stats for me. But I'm doing something different this time (no, not my own stats....lets not get crazy...) I'm going to start with a sketch, cause lack of inspiration and all. If the add image thing works, I'll share them. If not you have to be ambitious and follow the link. I'm not even doing the cool link the word thing. Two AM remember.
neat little face
I lied. I'm doing the linky word thing.
long blond hair
eyes, pony tail, a bit too modern though
personality, serving girl dress
all right, i'm going to bed. I'll finish the presents tomorrow.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Time and Chrysalises
So, I've been having a pity party for myself over the past few days (with snacks). I'm all done with the party. Time to put the pity aside, and move on. Here's what got me today. I opened my yahoo mail to read a few of the FlyLady emails I have sitting there. And here...(i edited out bits that weren't as relevent to me)...
Thoughts I want to highlight.
1) This isn't a dress rehearsal.
2) My daily tasks should be treasured and enjoyed, not rushed, regretted, or ignored.
3) Do it now. There might not be a later. We only ever have the time we've got now.
4) Take every opportunity to love (yourself and others).
5) Life, each day, is a gift. Meant to be lived, enjoyed, and shared.
Yes, there is gerbil food scattered on the floor. Yes, there is laundry in the basket, in the dryer, in the washer. Yes, the ribbons I took an hour or more making for dance only lasted 15 minutes in the girls' hands before they started to shred. Yes, it seems I have more things to do than I have days to do them in. Yes, I'm frustrated that the Sweetling has been LAAAAGGING when she is supposed to be *doing* whatever she's been told to accomplish.
But,
--We have a floor for the food to scatter on. A carpeted floor at that. We have a sweet little gerbil who is pretty fun to watch. The food got a bit spilled, because the Sweetling is being responsible and taking care of her pet all by herself. And Wednesdays are my day to vacuum anyway.
--The laundry is mostly done. We have lots of nice clothes to wear. We have an abundance of nice clothes. We have a washer and dryer to clean our clothes in. I don't have to go to a laundrymat or worse.
--The girls really liked the ribbons. They shredded because they were so much fun to *twirl*. A bit of clear nail polish on their ends should take care of the problem.
--The 'things' I have to do are all GOOD things. Happy things. Things I look forward to. Melting Pot with friends tomorrow night. Dance practice with girls tonight. Grocery shopping, and how blessed we are to be able to provide for our needs *and* our wants. A book fair. Baking Christmas cookies to take to the neighbors. Making fuzzy cottonball sheep and glitter stars with preschoolers. The Christmas dance program. The AHG Christmas party. These are all good, wonderful things meant to bring both myself and others joy.
--Sweetlings slow response is noticible, because usually she is prompt and eager to do what is expected of her. This is an opportunity for me to teach her (and me) some better time management skills.
I paused to fix lunch for Sweetling and me. But I'm not finished with these thoughts. I wondered, why does it take a FlyLady email of all things, to remind me that my circumstances shouldn't be painting my attitude, my attitude should be coloring my circumstances?
And I was reminded of something Eyes shared this morning in WOW. She said, its hard to follow an invisible God. There are times that we are hurting, and we really need Him to reach down and hold our hand. And in those times, God will reach out and hold our hand...through other people. He shows his love many times throught the people around us.
Jumping to a new, but related thought.
I brought Captivating in to the room with me. I wanted to share some quotes. But I'm worried the quotes out of context will be diminished. Pink is a nice enough color, a bit stereotyped or overused from time to time. Still, while pink alone might be nice, its hardly breathtaking or remarkable in any way. But the soft pink clouds that skirted the entire horizon this morning were lovely beyond words. The color itself isn't what was important, it was the color in context that made a memorable experience.
Let me then sum up what I wanted to share with my own analogy. Every year Sweetling and I go to the Krohn Butterfly Show (often with Smurf). In a back room, there are cases of chrysalises on display. Now, one enters the show through the main room...which is filled with flowers and beautiful butterflies. Many people don't even bother going back to see the 'butterfly nursery'. So the chrysalises don't get much attention. Still, the chrysalises are beautiful in their own way. They are delicate, fragile little gems suspened in the air. Through their translucent skin, the bejeweled wings of the developing butterflies are just visible. The chrysalises are truly gorgeous. If visitors entered and saw these first...and if the visitors didn't realize what was growing inside the chrysalises....there might be the tempation to think that this was, in fact, the point of the show. It is this fallacy that often engulfs us as women. We see the chrysalis of our lives, of others' lives, and it in itself might be a beautiful thing. BUT, we can become so busy trying to care for, and preserve the chrysalis...seeing only the outward appearnace of things, that we loose sight of the butterfly growing inside. If we are not careful, that butterfly can become trapped and starve and die. And then we are left doing nothing but caring for a hollow shell.
Dear FlyLady,
My mother informed me yesterday that my very dear aunt died at 5:30 in the morning from complications of her gastric bypass. Peggy always had a beautiful home and was immaculately groomed, but she was very much a perfectionist and was unforgiving of perceived flaws. On the morning before she had her surgery, did she enjoy her shower? Did she put on pretty clothes that made her feel beautiful? Did she eat delicious food that nourished her body? I sure hope so because she could never have known that that would be the last time she would do any of those things.
Going through my daily tasks, I often view such things as mundane chores and try to get through them quickly so I can go on to the next thing. But I could end up like Peggy, gasping for air, eating and eliminating through tubes and getting a sponge bath occasionally. She was admitted to the critical care unit a week after her surgery with septic shock and total organ failure, a direct result of her bypass. For the next four months she agonizingly clung to life, all her dignity stripped away and unable to do the smallest things for herself until she crashed and died in the bed she'd been unable to get out of for four months.
This personal tragedy has finally taught me the meaning of "living life to the fullest". I'd hear the cliche and want to live my life to the fullest, but never knew how. Did it mean being happy and loving all the time? Giving away all my things to poor people? Taking extreme risks such as bungee jumping to get away from the monotony of daily life? I was never sure.
Contemplating Peggy's loss and reading your emails, I finally got what living life to the fullest meant for me. I think it means taking every opportunity you get to love yourself and those around you. This is not a dress rehearsal; we always think we'll get around to doing such-and-such later, until bam! It's over and you lost your chance.
I've always felt like my life would start some day soon. By birthday number x I'd have lost all my excess weight, gotten financially secure, finally conquered my messiness, developed spiritually, become a nicer, more patient person, and mastered time management. No way is that ever going to happen. If I don't work, slowly but steadily, at the goals in my life and take every chance to love myself and others, they will slip one by one away and I will never get them back.
I think over and over again how I wish I had more time. But the truth is, we only ever have the time we've got now.
Thoughts I want to highlight.
1) This isn't a dress rehearsal.
2) My daily tasks should be treasured and enjoyed, not rushed, regretted, or ignored.
3) Do it now. There might not be a later. We only ever have the time we've got now.
4) Take every opportunity to love (yourself and others).
5) Life, each day, is a gift. Meant to be lived, enjoyed, and shared.
Yes, there is gerbil food scattered on the floor. Yes, there is laundry in the basket, in the dryer, in the washer. Yes, the ribbons I took an hour or more making for dance only lasted 15 minutes in the girls' hands before they started to shred. Yes, it seems I have more things to do than I have days to do them in. Yes, I'm frustrated that the Sweetling has been LAAAAGGING when she is supposed to be *doing* whatever she's been told to accomplish.
But,
--We have a floor for the food to scatter on. A carpeted floor at that. We have a sweet little gerbil who is pretty fun to watch. The food got a bit spilled, because the Sweetling is being responsible and taking care of her pet all by herself. And Wednesdays are my day to vacuum anyway.
--The laundry is mostly done. We have lots of nice clothes to wear. We have an abundance of nice clothes. We have a washer and dryer to clean our clothes in. I don't have to go to a laundrymat or worse.
--The girls really liked the ribbons. They shredded because they were so much fun to *twirl*. A bit of clear nail polish on their ends should take care of the problem.
--The 'things' I have to do are all GOOD things. Happy things. Things I look forward to. Melting Pot with friends tomorrow night. Dance practice with girls tonight. Grocery shopping, and how blessed we are to be able to provide for our needs *and* our wants. A book fair. Baking Christmas cookies to take to the neighbors. Making fuzzy cottonball sheep and glitter stars with preschoolers. The Christmas dance program. The AHG Christmas party. These are all good, wonderful things meant to bring both myself and others joy.
--Sweetlings slow response is noticible, because usually she is prompt and eager to do what is expected of her. This is an opportunity for me to teach her (and me) some better time management skills.
I paused to fix lunch for Sweetling and me. But I'm not finished with these thoughts. I wondered, why does it take a FlyLady email of all things, to remind me that my circumstances shouldn't be painting my attitude, my attitude should be coloring my circumstances?
And I was reminded of something Eyes shared this morning in WOW. She said, its hard to follow an invisible God. There are times that we are hurting, and we really need Him to reach down and hold our hand. And in those times, God will reach out and hold our hand...through other people. He shows his love many times throught the people around us.
Jumping to a new, but related thought.
I brought Captivating in to the room with me. I wanted to share some quotes. But I'm worried the quotes out of context will be diminished. Pink is a nice enough color, a bit stereotyped or overused from time to time. Still, while pink alone might be nice, its hardly breathtaking or remarkable in any way. But the soft pink clouds that skirted the entire horizon this morning were lovely beyond words. The color itself isn't what was important, it was the color in context that made a memorable experience.
Let me then sum up what I wanted to share with my own analogy. Every year Sweetling and I go to the Krohn Butterfly Show (often with Smurf). In a back room, there are cases of chrysalises on display. Now, one enters the show through the main room...which is filled with flowers and beautiful butterflies. Many people don't even bother going back to see the 'butterfly nursery'. So the chrysalises don't get much attention. Still, the chrysalises are beautiful in their own way. They are delicate, fragile little gems suspened in the air. Through their translucent skin, the bejeweled wings of the developing butterflies are just visible. The chrysalises are truly gorgeous. If visitors entered and saw these first...and if the visitors didn't realize what was growing inside the chrysalises....there might be the tempation to think that this was, in fact, the point of the show. It is this fallacy that often engulfs us as women. We see the chrysalis of our lives, of others' lives, and it in itself might be a beautiful thing. BUT, we can become so busy trying to care for, and preserve the chrysalis...seeing only the outward appearnace of things, that we loose sight of the butterfly growing inside. If we are not careful, that butterfly can become trapped and starve and die. And then we are left doing nothing but caring for a hollow shell.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
SHE's Shouldn't
yes. I'm posting this because they are about someone else....NOT me. I'm not saying they couldn't be about me....but they happen to not be. (A SHE, by the way, is a Sidetracked Home Executive.)
SHEs should never attempt to move fully decorated trees across the living room, thinking that they will look better in front of a different window. SHE might find herself under the tree, thinking this is a piece of cake, when an ominous crack, and the tree suddenly listing to one side alerts her to an upcoming disaster. It is virtually impossible to hold a 7 foot artificial tree upright from underneath once the center pole cracks.
SHE shouldn't . . .
...ever think making holiday wrapping paper by dipping the kids' little hands in red and green paint is a good idea
....decide that nice homemade presents of sugar and spice pecans warrants buying 35 pounds (no lie!) of pecans at the warehouse club or she will be looking at them for many years to come
....hide gifts in black plastic garbage bags in the garage or she will chasing the garbage truck through her neighborhood, which will not put her in the holiday spirit
SHEs shouldn't decide on December 1st that they have more than enough time to cross stitch 6 personalized ornaments that will also be the gift tags for the 'real' gifts.
SHE also shouldn't decide to make all her Christmas gifts because she is very 'artsy' and wants to give beautiful but personal gifts AND save money; so in October she spends a small fortune on all the supplies, and digs in; but 3 days before Christmas all the gifts are "almost done" so she panics and starts shopping at the mall and spends a bigger fortune to buy last minute gifts for everybody.
(This next one I included just for the husband's reaction. The Jedi understands. And yes, I have successfully turned my blog from a place to do a bit of writing, to just another spot to stick spam.)
SHE shouldn't stay up all night making pies on Christmas Eve-Eve. Her judgment might be a bit impaired when she decides it's ok to go ahead and put the homemade whipped cream on top of the pies before they have cooled all the way. After all, it's 3:30 in the morning already! What might happen is that she will get the beautiful garnish on the whipped cream just right and then pick up her pie to move it from the cooling rack. When she moves the pie, the whole beautiful layer of whipped cream and garnish could slide right off into the kitchen floor because the pie filling is still warm and the cream is melting! She will then let out a yell of "Oh No!" and her husband will come to the kitchen and see her dancing around a big sticky mess on the floor, holding a naked pie. He will most likely just shake his head and head for the mop, because he isn't surprised by these things any more.
Ok. I need to be done. Actually I need to delete. I won't though. Once I delete one blog, it will be a nasty downward spiral into the land of internal criticism which won't allow me to put up any blogging.
Its 10:50 and Sweetling is still not in bed. Why? Because I'm exhausted. No one but another mother would understand the correlation there. Where's the Jedi you ask? Discovering that the new universal remote for the TV can be connected to the computer for some purpose no one will understand. Ah, there. He came up and chased the Sweetling into bed where she belongs. Now I can go to bed too. At least, I could if it weren't covered with laundry.
I'm going to go down and deal with the laundry. Its all my clothes. I refuse to sweep them into a basket to wrinkle so badly I have to rewash them. Why does FlyLady work for everone but me? Is it because I'm sitting here blogging rather than hanging up clothes? I think that might have something to do with it....hmmm.....
SHEs should never attempt to move fully decorated trees across the living room, thinking that they will look better in front of a different window. SHE might find herself under the tree, thinking this is a piece of cake, when an ominous crack, and the tree suddenly listing to one side alerts her to an upcoming disaster. It is virtually impossible to hold a 7 foot artificial tree upright from underneath once the center pole cracks.
SHE shouldn't . . .
...ever think making holiday wrapping paper by dipping the kids' little hands in red and green paint is a good idea
....decide that nice homemade presents of sugar and spice pecans warrants buying 35 pounds (no lie!) of pecans at the warehouse club or she will be looking at them for many years to come
....hide gifts in black plastic garbage bags in the garage or she will chasing the garbage truck through her neighborhood, which will not put her in the holiday spirit
SHEs shouldn't decide on December 1st that they have more than enough time to cross stitch 6 personalized ornaments that will also be the gift tags for the 'real' gifts.
SHE also shouldn't decide to make all her Christmas gifts because she is very 'artsy' and wants to give beautiful but personal gifts AND save money; so in October she spends a small fortune on all the supplies, and digs in; but 3 days before Christmas all the gifts are "almost done" so she panics and starts shopping at the mall and spends a bigger fortune to buy last minute gifts for everybody.
(This next one I included just for the husband's reaction. The Jedi understands. And yes, I have successfully turned my blog from a place to do a bit of writing, to just another spot to stick spam.)
SHE shouldn't stay up all night making pies on Christmas Eve-Eve. Her judgment might be a bit impaired when she decides it's ok to go ahead and put the homemade whipped cream on top of the pies before they have cooled all the way. After all, it's 3:30 in the morning already! What might happen is that she will get the beautiful garnish on the whipped cream just right and then pick up her pie to move it from the cooling rack. When she moves the pie, the whole beautiful layer of whipped cream and garnish could slide right off into the kitchen floor because the pie filling is still warm and the cream is melting! She will then let out a yell of "Oh No!" and her husband will come to the kitchen and see her dancing around a big sticky mess on the floor, holding a naked pie. He will most likely just shake his head and head for the mop, because he isn't surprised by these things any more.
Ok. I need to be done. Actually I need to delete. I won't though. Once I delete one blog, it will be a nasty downward spiral into the land of internal criticism which won't allow me to put up any blogging.
Its 10:50 and Sweetling is still not in bed. Why? Because I'm exhausted. No one but another mother would understand the correlation there. Where's the Jedi you ask? Discovering that the new universal remote for the TV can be connected to the computer for some purpose no one will understand. Ah, there. He came up and chased the Sweetling into bed where she belongs. Now I can go to bed too. At least, I could if it weren't covered with laundry.
I'm going to go down and deal with the laundry. Its all my clothes. I refuse to sweep them into a basket to wrinkle so badly I have to rewash them. Why does FlyLady work for everone but me? Is it because I'm sitting here blogging rather than hanging up clothes? I think that might have something to do with it....hmmm.....
Monday, December 04, 2006
Shalom bayit
This sentence popped out at me as I was reading through my Flymail.
I want to keep it so that I can think about it again. Oh, and about mornings, I think I'll ask the Jedi to simply not turn off his alarm in the morning. It takes me longer to find my way back to consciousness. Music is a nice bridge for that. His "alarm" is simply a radio station that we both like. I fall asleep to soft music, I wake up to joyful music with lyrics. I'll be awake in a timely manner, and I'll be in a good mood. I'll be awake before the Jedi leaves for the day, and I'll have time to shower at my own pace, instead of feeling rushed and behind. Its a win, win situation.
One of the most important concepts for a Jewish wife/mother is her part in creating "shalom bayit", peace in the house.
I want to keep it so that I can think about it again. Oh, and about mornings, I think I'll ask the Jedi to simply not turn off his alarm in the morning. It takes me longer to find my way back to consciousness. Music is a nice bridge for that. His "alarm" is simply a radio station that we both like. I fall asleep to soft music, I wake up to joyful music with lyrics. I'll be awake in a timely manner, and I'll be in a good mood. I'll be awake before the Jedi leaves for the day, and I'll have time to shower at my own pace, instead of feeling rushed and behind. Its a win, win situation.
Mornings
No one likes mornings. This is just an established fact.
Let me rephrase that. No one likes mornings when their mornings are only about obligations. Get up and get to work. Get up and get to class. Get up and get the kids cared for. Get up and get going.
Mornings that are slow, lazy, full of extra snuggles under the blankets... followed by lounging around in jammies drinking hot chocolate and reading a good book...and then a leasurely shower in warm water. Those are different kinds of mornings.
No one likes the first kind. Everyone wants the second kind.
I need a way to make my first kind of morning more like my second kind. I want to start my day with something pleasant. Not laying in bed till the absolute last minute, then getting up to rush through a shower, feeling guilty for all the things I *should* have already gotten done.
I'm not sure this is totally the answer. But it might be a start. The first half is definitely some of what I'm struggling with. The quote is from Flylady. (Do I ever quote anything else here? No, because the other source I might quote requires typing the quote from my book into the blog. And that's like, gasp, work.)
Anyway, I want to wake up with the Jedi. I want to share some of my morning with him. But, I don't hear the Jedi's alarm. (and when I vaguely notice it, it doesn't enter my consciousness enough to wake me). And I definitely don't want to ask the Jedi to wake me up. I know how difficult I am to bring to consciousness, and that wouldn't be a fair request to burden him with.
So, where does that leave me? Sleeping in and feeling like a slob in the morning.
Let me rephrase that. No one likes mornings when their mornings are only about obligations. Get up and get to work. Get up and get to class. Get up and get the kids cared for. Get up and get going.
Mornings that are slow, lazy, full of extra snuggles under the blankets... followed by lounging around in jammies drinking hot chocolate and reading a good book...and then a leasurely shower in warm water. Those are different kinds of mornings.
No one likes the first kind. Everyone wants the second kind.
I need a way to make my first kind of morning more like my second kind. I want to start my day with something pleasant. Not laying in bed till the absolute last minute, then getting up to rush through a shower, feeling guilty for all the things I *should* have already gotten done.
When you roll out of bed, throw on whatever is handy, somewhat brush your hair, make an attempt at slapping on some lipstick and throwing on whatever shoes you see, is not the way to start your day off feeling as though you can conquer the world. When you lay out your clothes the night before, have an established morning routine for fixing your hair and make up and then pamper yourself by putting on a favorite piece of jewelry that doesn't get worn often, a spritz of perfume that you love, you will feel totally different when you walk out of the bathroom stepping into a new day.
I'm not sure this is totally the answer. But it might be a start. The first half is definitely some of what I'm struggling with. The quote is from Flylady. (Do I ever quote anything else here? No, because the other source I might quote requires typing the quote from my book into the blog. And that's like, gasp, work.)
Anyway, I want to wake up with the Jedi. I want to share some of my morning with him. But, I don't hear the Jedi's alarm. (and when I vaguely notice it, it doesn't enter my consciousness enough to wake me). And I definitely don't want to ask the Jedi to wake me up. I know how difficult I am to bring to consciousness, and that wouldn't be a fair request to burden him with.
So, where does that leave me? Sleeping in and feeling like a slob in the morning.
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