Friday, July 16, 2010

Computer Tech Support at Mrs. Random's House

  1. Wake up. Turn on computer using big toe of right foot.
  2. Go do the rest of morning routine.
  3. Come back to computer. Sit down in chair. Jiggle mouse.
  4. Stare at the black screen.
  5. Look under desk at computer box. Power light is on and fan is running.
  6. Jiggle mouse again.
  7. Screen is still blank.
  8. Check the monitor. There seems to be a little green light on under the button that might be a power button for the monitor.
  9. Push an arrow key on the keyboard. Take that computer.
  10. Desktop comes up on the screen. Booyah.
  11. Move the mouse around. The cursor stands still. Victory is short lived.
  12. Decide maybe the track ball needs cleaning or something. Pick up mouse.
  13. Mouse is a lazer mouse. Run your finger over the little red lazer light just in case.
  14. Huh.
  15. Maybe mouse is unplugged. Jiggle cord of mouse.
  16. Look under desk and jiggle cord of mouse to figure out which of the twenty million cables back there is the mouse cord.
  17. Crawl under desk. Follow mouse cord to back of computer. Mouse cord appears to be securely plugged in. Jiggle it anyway.
  18. Back to chair and jiggle mouse again. Cursor doesn't care.
  19. Never surrender.
  20. Raid the Jedi's supply of extra computer parts. Grab a mouse off the top of a box.
  21. Back to desk with ill-gotten goods. Put unlawfully obtained mouse on mouse pad, drop cord behind desk.
  22. Crawl under desk again. Unplug evil non-responsive mouse. Ignore the ominous bleeeep that follows this action.
  23. Be smart enough to note that the two mice have totally different pluggy things at the end of their little mice tails.
  24. Scooch the computer box out and start a scavenger hunt for a hole that might be the same shape as the pluggy thing on the stolen mouse's tail. 
  25. Consider asking Sweetling for help. Discard this notion. Sweetling will probably say something sensible like check with the Jedi. 
  26. Find a round green hole that seems to be the same size as the round green plug of the mouse. They are even the same color. This is surely a portent.
  27. After a little finagling, plug the new mouse in.
  28. Back to chair. Wiggle mouse.
  29. Nothing.
  30. Maybe it needs rebooted.
  31. Realize you can't get to the windows "start" button on your desk top without a mouse. Its a Catch 22.
  32. Ah, but wait, there is a reset button right above the computer power button.
  33. Push that. 
  34. Go water plants.
  35. Come back. The computer is asking if you really want to restart. Once again, the mouse is useless BUT the default button is the one you want, so just hit enter.
  36. Congratulate yourself on once again outwitting the device.
  37. The computer reboots. The mouse you nabbed works. 
  38. Pick up the useless lazer mouse. Put it on the Jedi's desk. Worry about how your going to explain all this later.
  39. Sit back down at the computer. Realize you have forgotten what you wanted to accomplish on the bleepity bleeping machine in the first place.
  40. When all else fails, blog, baby, blog. 

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