Tuesday, February 06, 2007


In my life, I've forgiven many people for many different things. Not that I'm saying this to brag, but I'm saying this because I feel rotten. Well, maybe not rotten...but I feel like I *should* feel rotten. I've forgiven many people for many wrongs that were done to me...most of them, I know, just happened not because the people were intending to do me wrong, but just because the persons were human and falliable, and working under the strain of their own wounds and their own issues.

So, if I can forgive persons that wounded me, why do I harbor this on-going resentment towards one person in particular over, get this, a game? People who hurt me emotionally, physically, sexually, in my heart I've been able to forgive them. But this one person whose only crime is that this particular game isn't very fun anymore? Bitterness. And I smile and I'm polite, but deep down I just simmer. And the person isn't doing it on purpose. The person cares and thinks to make the game better for everyone.

And you know what, its a game, a game.

And I'm not angry for myself, which is what makes it difficult. Myself, its probably too easy for me to walk away from any situation whenever it gets uncomfortable or difficult. I am an expert at ditching and hiding. So, I'm angry for someone else, who's invested a lot of time and energy in this endeavor, who wanted to be able to do something like this for years, and who is reaping zero pleasure from it now.

Why am I writing this? I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe it'll just make things worse.

I feel like I need to forgive, and I can't seem to do that. I know a few of you that might read this have gone through the process of forgiving. Maybe I'm writing this in the hopes of getting a few tips.

At least a couple of you that read this will know exactly who and what I'm talking about. But you know how much I trust you, and I know you can keep my words in confidence.


lushgurl said...

I once saw Mary j. Blige on Oprah, they were talking about people who had hurt them in the past Mary said something that I'll always remember...I blame (them) for nothing, but I forgive (them) everything.

I don't know if that helps at all, but I do know that people who have hurt me do not deserve any space in my head. I pray for them then do my best to let it go... (HUGS)

Impossible Mom said...

Yes, You can trust me and no, I'm not sure I can forgive this person or other persons involved either. I am sorry for whatever *I* personally did to cause or escolate this issue. and I feel for the one whos dream it was. I was there, believing in the dream, even close to the end.

So I guess I can't give you advice on forvgiveness because I have not forgiven them either. I think a big part of that is their ignorance that they really are ever in the wrong. *sigh*

I'm Sorry piglet...and I can so empathize.

Chocolateer said...

You know, and I've known this too...a big portion of this is that I have to let the people involved make their own choices. But, I feel like, even though I've distanced myself from the situation (I'm great at ducking and hiding)...I still am caught in the emotional fallout. I want to be supportive...so how do I be supportive without being bitter and upset?

The Maven said...

You are human first and foremost. Not a machine with an on and off switch. You're most likely going to have to accept your limitations and go through the process of forgiveness. A game or not, there are real people involved that you care about, so the game itself is just circumstantial. So no, it's not just a game when you look at it that way. You're more than entitled to be upset when it comes to people you love.

It's so hard to forgive, but good to do so when you're ready *hugs*

lushgurl said...

Just stopped in to see how you were doing, better I hope...

If ya want to take your mind off STUFF for a while, check out my blog...I tag you!!!